Comments on: How to Kill your Child in 6 Easy Steps

By: ankit.c

ankit.c — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 06:26:19 +0000

I say “GOOD IDEA”

By: Priya

Priya — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:25:26 +0000

You’re right. “Pretext” is probably too harsh. In fact, it is a wrong word to use here. What i really meant was that parents sometimes damage their child, while still believing they are doing the right thing or that they are good parents. For instance, when a parent tells a child to be “normal” he/she is doing it with the child’s wellbeing in mind. However, they could be unknowingly distancing themselves from the child, crushing the child’s dreams and adversely impacting the child’s confidence level.

The problem is the lack of communication and the solution lies therein. My post was an attempt to reach out to parents and get them to think. Often kids are unable to take the initiative to bridge this gap because:
1. They may be too young
2. The relationship gets defined as one where the parties do not understand each other
3. They may feel their parents are right in doing those things and that they themselves are “flawed” in some way

I think it is the parents who need to take the first step to bridging the gap. You cant suddenly start talking to your kids when they are 18 and expect to understand them. You need to begin talking to them when they are 2, so that you are in constant touch with them and their thoughts.

I think I rambled on for too long, Ankit. It’s just that I feel saddened when parents do not think about how their words or actions could be impacting their children. I feel saddened when I see brilliant kids being forced into the mould of “normalcy.” I feel saddened when kids spend years thinking they are not good enough. I think I should write another post about it what do you say?

By: ankit.c

ankit.c — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:01:13 +0000

what bothers me more is “Under the pretext of being good parents”
I believe every parent remains a well-wisher of his child throughout his or her life… the problem is that, yes, they may be unaware of the fact that what they are wishing is actually doing no good for their children. So, how does one get them out of this illusion?

By: Priya

Priya — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 08:39:31 +0000

Thank you, Romila and Ankit.

@Ankit: Yes, the generation gap arises because of the lack of communication. And yes, these issues could be a part of any relationship. However, when it comes to a parent-child relationship, it is very crucial. Our childhood experiences lays the foundation of our personality to a large extent… self esteem, confidence and belief in the basic goodness of people. Children absorb a lot from their parents and surroundings and they can be shaped easily. Of course, these are generalizations and sometimes friends and other relatives play an equally influencing role in our lives.

By: ankit.c

ankit.c — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 11:10:36 +0000

Quite a thought-provoking post. I wonder how much of this gap between parents and children is constituted purely by generation gap. The issues you have raised are quite big. However, isn’t the build up that leads towards each of them a result of poor communication arising out of gap in understanding the issues faced by the other party?

Also, I feel that some of these issues can come up irrespective of the relationship, and even the generation. Even your friend can expect you to be as normal as him or her. And, that can be equally influencing as that in the case of a parent. What do you think?

By: Romila.S

Romila.S — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:13:27 +0000

Excellent!!! Why, you ask me? Because I said so…

I just want to add my own 2p bit – the key is communication. The more you speak with each other and the more you listen to the other will always lay the foundation of a strong bond. Always. Just remember to keep an open mind. We were all 6, 16, 26… once and we all thought our parents had no clue about what our generation wants. So listen without mentally arguing with what you hear.