Mostly, we are very good at dealing with big tragedies. It is the small sadness that we lose against. We have been given the power to choose between happiness and sadness, sorrow and pain. But, we have also been given the power to forget how to exercise choices. Forgetting makes us lose against the small sadness.
Take for instance a situation when you miss a dear friend. You are craving to be with him and he is not available. What do you do? This is what we usually do:
- We think about how unfortunate we are to not have him at that moment.
- We try to block out the feeling of missing the person.
- The pain is so overwhelming that we don’t do much about it.
Instead, try this:
Think about how fortunate you are to have him in your life. It is great when you miss someone because at least you have someone whom you can miss. Instead of feeling bad that you are missing him, feel good that you are missing him.
Blocking out a feeling does not work. It is like sweeping the room and pushing all the dirt under the carpet. The dirt does not disappear. It is still there… accumulating under the carpet. Instead, feel the feeling… be with the feeling. Feel fortunate that your heart can love/like someone enough to miss him.
You have the responsibility to make yourself happy. And only you have this responsibility. So, don’t just sit around feeling low. If you miss someone, go and meet him. If he’s too far, call him. If he doesn’t have the time to talk to you right then, ask him when you can call next. If you can’t call him, email him.
Imagine if you get a call from someone… anyone… saying that they miss you. How would you feel? You feel delighted, wanted and appreciated. He would probably feel the same when you call him.
And even if nothing comes out of your efforts, at least you have the satisfaction that you tried your best. You can not take ownership or responsibility for what he says to you or how he behaves with you. You can only take ownership for what you do. Feel good about being the person who tries her best.
Be true to yourself and to your feelings. That’s all that’s important anyway.
Sounds ridiculous? Not doable? Would love to hear your thoughts…
really inspiring!
thanks Shivi… it is comments like this that keep me wanting to write more.
i feel that sometimes we forget how lucky we are and focus too much on what’s not right with our world.
and ya, would like to emphasize on that point: Keep feeling. Suppressing what you feel doesn’t help. It worsens situations.