Over the years, I have always questioned these outdated Mallu beliefs that haunt the minds of a majority of Malayalis across the world. Having grown up in Kerala, I have witnessed how these beliefs have manifested wrongly. This moves me to write this post. Funny enough, in North India, there is so much respect for Kerala and the simplicity the place represents despite its enviable rate of literacy. I thought to myself: are we really that enviable?
Outdated Mallu Beliefs
The beliefs that have been stumbling blocks for many Malayalis remain unspoken. What I am listing here is just a tip of the iceberg. At least, every war needs a beginning so let me start it.
- The only decent career options are to become a doctor, engineer, lawyer, accountant, or teacher. Everything else is trash.
- Not a fair child? Something is very fishy, even if the parents maybe dark!
- Popular Hindu protagonists in Malayalam cinema are either Varmas or Namboodiris (royal family/Brahmin priest caste) or Menons (feudal family caste that enjoyed proximity to the Varmas and Namboodiris) but they are orphans too!
- Mimicry and comedy is one and the same thing.
Outdated Mallu Beliefs: Mallu Men
- Getting drunk is so macho but it is only for men!
- Vicco Turmeric cream is mainly for men than women.
- Molesting or misbehaving with women inside a bus is perfectly respectable. Planes and boats are included too.
- Men with moustaches are more macho than the rest.
- Men disapprove of girls who visit beauty parlors and of course, none of those girls include their girl friends, wives or sisters. These guys are lucky to find all the ‘natural’ beauties!
- Men in the family should be served first, wives and sisters and daughters must wait till it’s time to clear up, as family etiquette depends on this tradition.
Mallu Girl: Outdated Mallu Beliefs
- Malayali girls who wear jeans? No, no, they just want to attract men. My question is, so what about men who wear jeans?
- A Mallu girl, who wears a ‘bindi,’ looks down at her feet with humility when men are around, and dresses traditionally is a ‘good’ girl.
- Malayali actresses should not expose and they should look ‘naadan.’
Mallu Wedding/Marriage: Outdated Mallu Beliefs
- If you are a girl and attending a mallu wedding/ engagement/temple
ceremony/prayer/house warming, deck up in all your gold jewelry so that a prospective mother-in-law from a good family can spot the potential. - Don’t marry a girl who sings before the public, something is fishy about her character.
- Don’t marry into a family that has inter-caste marriage because your children or grandchildren may be motivated to do the same.
- Marrying a guy from the Gulf is like winning a lottery ticket.
- Don’t marry talkative girls because they are sure to talk back to the in-laws.
- Don’t marry girls who are nurses, lawyers, air hostesses, or models because they are too much in contact with men who are not related to them.
- Don’t marry without checking the ancestry and lineage of both families because a black sheep in the family (like me, for example!) could pollute the genes of several generations.
- Don’t marry girls who are motherless because who will look after them when they are in the family way?
- Girls who wear make-up, sleeveless clothes and short skirts are not ok to marry though you should go ahead and date them to ‘check’ it out.
- Girls with short hair are not girls, so don’t marry them!
Now, you know why the Onida ad makes sense: Neighbor’s envy 
Absolute truth.. and yes mallu rules are there too..
1. The girl in college is always the second tier citizen. Anyone with spunk has “one extra ellu”
2. Any girl who talks about freedom is a ‘vedi’
3. Everything one does always has to be filtered by “what will ppl say”
4. Mammooty and mohanlal are the worlds greatest actors..
.. endless
You know, these are the times I thank my stars for the accident of my birth to a non-conformist couple.. Was never fed this shit, and.. was taught why I shud not either..
This post reminded me why going back to kerala is completely out of question as far as I am concerned.. My life is not about what “the neighbors think” ..
Good one..
Gem!
Couldn’t agree more. Very well scripted
So funny.
Haha…dont put ur hands on ur head!
Hilarious! But what you have said is correct! People do think like this
A good tongue-in-cheek insight into the world of mallus!!!
Not to forget Mallu workforce ruling the Gulf economy and the entire healthcare sector.
Well I have worked in the Gulf for about 10 years now. I was fortunate I was in the executive category. But most mallus workforce, rule a job category where they work like slaves earning barely Rs. 1500 per month. Have you heard the term Malabari? That’s what mallus are called in the gulf. Because most of the labourer workforce who have their mother-tongue as malayalam is the ruling group with millions of mallus. Mallus doing normal jobs are so insignificant compared to them. So any mallu is nick-named or rather as a derrogatory name called Malabari. Malabari’s are considered doing menial jobs. I know even graduates sell their livelihoods in Kerala to go do this or agree to do the least paid jobs and spoil it for everyone to make the market so cut-throat that other nationalities hate mallus…(also North Indians) …not so much Indians. So let’s research before we blow the trumpet!
Thanks so much for the cheer, enthusiasm and awesome feedback. Now you can be sure that I will write more on Outdated Mallu Beliefs and feel free to help me add more to the list:)
Hey amazing post. Many were an eye opener .. Also the amount of gold you display is directly proportional to ur status .. I have been at loggerheads at people for refusing to wear jewellery ..
hahaha loved this. These things u mentioned are so true.
I was born and brought up outside, I remember how I often my parents had applied these beliefs (and still do, after living outside kerala more than 30 years) and how often me got into arguments with them asking about the logics in those mallu rules.
these are some I learned from my parents /family in kerala:
#cant go outside without wearing at least a small gold necklace, people will think u r a begger (no matter whether u r male/female)
#being a “Persia-Karan” is a good profession
(once a asked an aunt in Kerala, what a Persia-Karan does, coz seemed to be a very
good job, guess what ? she didnt know)
#drinks are only for boys, and one has to drink until one is drunk
(stopping before one is drunk doesnt really count drinking and being drunk is a
achievement to be proud of) and yes drinking even before noon is ok
(also during the week)
# you dont talk back to elders. being old is like being god. elder people dont need to say thank you or sorry or please. And of cousre u never point out to them, when they r in wrong, coz they dont make mistakes. The reason why ? because they are old !
#having a slim/normal figure means something is wrong with your health
@Deepti: Loved reading your thoughts. The gold bit is totally true. I absolutely agree with you. Thanks a ton for the encouragement.
@blr_voicetwitter: Smiled and loved every point you raised…esp the “persiakaran” and “drink till drunk” and “being old is like being god.” Loved the slim bit too but thanking God no body will suspect me of bad health:) Stay tuned as I will be writing more on us – “Mallus.”
Swapna,
Its more of Outdated Indian Beliefs than Mallu beliefs. I doubt that the rest of this country is full of Leibniz and Kants. Again, when you say “in North India, there is so much respect for Kerala,” is it respect for the place or people? If it is the latter, your father must be the Chief Secretary of this country living one of those colonial bungalows in Lutyens Delhi. Anyway it is good to know that at last i found a mallu in Delhi “thinking” about Kerala.
Maheswaran Gnanaprakasam
I dare you ..wear your lipstick and walk through some small town in kerala…you will be dead by the nearest corner.
this applies not only malllu but to entire indian society . Wherever you go, you can feel this. Though traditional things are changing and evolving every day for good to the indian society .
Hey Mahesh, thanks for sharing your thoughts. My experience has been that people in North India have always shown respect for Kerala and people from Kerala. It has nothing to do with family ties as such.
@jms: You are absolutely right. I have lived in Kerala and I can confirm this for a fact that if you are a Malayali girl and you go out wearing lipstick and stuff, you are looked down like an immoral person because typically, Malayali girls from respectable families are perceived by the society to dress and behave in a particular way and they are not expected to wear make up or dress ‘improperly.’ I do not agree with it at all but it is the truth even today in Kerala whether we accept it or not.
@naveen: Thanks for pitching in with your thoughts but I disagree with you. This is because I have traveled by myself in many parts of India and I have not experienced such social pressures anywherelse but in Kerala. When I travel in Delhi, Noida, Mumbai, Bangalore or Andhra, I can be who I want to be and dress the way I like. Be it relatives, friends or colleagues, no one is judgmental based on whether u wear lipstick or jeans or sleeveless tops but in Kerala, it is not done unless you want to be labeled as a girl of questionable reputation. This, I think, is very sad because we are supposed to be reflecting the education standards that we are known for but clearly the society in Kerala that comprises of literati and well-informed people do not approve of any change or norms where their girls are concerned. This kind of cultural hypocrisy is responsible for the growing number of sexual trafficking incidents and violent kidnappings of young school and college girls in Kerala, most of which are traced back to their own network of male friends or even relatives who try to exploit them. The vicious circle continues because the society in Kerala is so conservative.
well…well…well….it is quite depressing to know that a malayali has written such a stuff…n more depressing is the fact that the person has not made an observation that all these beliefs are NOT just with the malayalis, but with the whole of India…check that out among the north Indians as well….
I’m not saying this just because im a malayali too, but with a third-eye-point-of-view(having been born and brought up in Delhi)…
a girl, who wears a ‘bindi,’ looks down at her feet with humility when men are around, and dresses traditionally is a ‘good’ girl. …this is considered so anywhere in India…—ask any of ur north Indian parents’s friends…when they go out looking for a suitable bride for their son, they’ll look into the same things….ya, a girl’s parents wud also ask her to dress up in a sari/suit n wear a “bindi”…dress up “traditionally, in short, when going to see a prospective groom….
A moustached man is considered macho even in places like Haryana…
So, finally, i’d only like to say that “mallus” are not so out dated in their thoughts….in fact, the are very far-sighted, n rational in their thoughts…much better than others…
Please give this a thought, n do the same for further such posts that u are planning of…!!
I like this response
Hey Lakshmy,
I just saw your comments now, so I want to respond to it. The purpose of this post is to bring some light humor and not to mock Malayalis. Trust me, there is no North Indian-South Indian divide or rivalry hidden in this post. There is no “north Indians” and “south indians” in my mind. We are one people, molded by different influences due to specific regions or places we came from, just like different waves that make up the ocean. All we want to do on this forum is to talk about our beliefs openly and I am so glad that you shared your thoughts so freely too. Thanks and hope you visit again, soon.
Well…I think im in trouble……he he…coz I am a mallu girl with short hair(really!!!) and i hate gold….i think i will be the least attracted one in the marriage market….
Best wishes to you in Mallu land:)
Wonderful masages i like it,,,! thanks to alllllll
Thanks!
Thanx swapna
Here I have seen an issue of lipstick, it is true in Kerala most of the girls do not wear lipstick there. I have been here in Delhi for the last 22 years. No mallu would wear a mundu here and take a bus as he is looked down and people will make a mockery of him not publicly but as if an alien has arrived in a Bus. Once one of my friend who is a North Indian told me that you know in Kerala most of the girls adorn their hair with Jasmine flowers and I told him that was true and he told me you know we consider the girls who adorns jasmine on hair as “VEDI” and I told him the same thing happens there in Kerala when one girl wears a lipstick and most of the women and girls here in the North wears lipstick.
Yes, interesting point you’ve mentioned there. I’ve heard this too.
It would be great to say that a girl before marriage in Kerala is almost brought up as equally as a boy she’s given d right education and is independent and then after marriage even if she has a decent job is expected to do all d household duties,look after her in laws who most of the time will be complainers and critics of d way she cooks,or brings up her children or treats their son.trust me in Kerala u wouldn’t want to live with ur in laws cos u will be a second class citizen in the house.if ur staying alone with husband and children that’s better.